Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
wanna go halves on a baby?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
