I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
