i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm always down for nudity.
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