Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
