Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
