Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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