we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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