Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
