The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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