i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
