i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
