i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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