Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
