you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
