I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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