you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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