Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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