lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
