I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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