cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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