Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My bed smells like the plague
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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