i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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