I am puke
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
