they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
