i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
