Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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