Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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