Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
