I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
