I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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