i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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