Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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