So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
