do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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