i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
