Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
