they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
