There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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