You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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