More tranny stories later!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
