Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
