tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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