How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
