i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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