Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
