Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
