So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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