my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
