So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She's JV to your varsity
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
