Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
