Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
