In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
